Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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