Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
