just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
