You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
