Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
