People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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