Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
