Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
