I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
