$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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