i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
