I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
