i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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