the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
