Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
