I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
