OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
