I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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