Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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