So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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