well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
