I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
