she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
