I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
