reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
