there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
