i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I could teleport
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
