I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
