I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
