Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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