Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
