I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
