i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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