Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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