Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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