you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
