Umm I'm too high to move.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
