i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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