never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
