pop tarts are not kleenex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
