1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
nutella sex= disaster
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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