You can't motorboat a personality
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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