My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
