If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
