she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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