if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
