New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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