yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
