so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
