At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
