i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
