you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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